If the guy’s got into your blood, go out and get him
If you want him to be the very part of you, that makes you wanna breathe
Here’s the thing to do
Tell him that you’re never gonna leave him
Tell him that you’re always gonna love him
Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now
But guys, I did tell him that on our first date. I told him I would never leave him, and that I would always love him! He seemed...really weirded out.
Oh my god, you can’t say something that intense on your first date!
Yeah, Kendra, when you first start dating a guy you have to keep things light and casual. Before you tell him you love him, you have to tell him a lot of other things first.
Tell him that you don’t believe in marriage,
tell him that you don’t care if you have kids
tell him, tell him, tell him all lies
But I love him, why would I lie to him?
She's not getting it!
You see, lies are a natural part of the dating process.
Especially early on.
You need to show him that you’re not one of those girls.
What do you mean those girls?
I mean, like, girls.
You need to -
Tell him that you love watching hockey
Tell him that you play Call Of Duty
Tell him you’re a total nerd and you love reading comics
But I don’t understand! I don’t even know what Call of Duty is. What if he asks me to play it with him?
Trust me, he’ll never ask you to play. He just wants you to appreciate all the time he spends playing it.
And if guys want to watch sports and sci fi all day, why don’t they just date each other?
Increasingly, they do. In fact, psychologists predict that eventually all men will become gay just to watch their favorite shows.
But for now, they still need sex. And when it comes to that, you have to seem fun and up for anything.
Tell him that you are open to a three-way
Tell him that you watch porn every day
Tell him that you are not grossed out when he says the word panties.
Well what do ya want us to call them?!
UNDERWEAR!
Blehhhhhhhh!
Okay, so early on I have to lie to him a little. But once we’re dating, then we’re just honest with each other, right?
No. Then you enter a new phase of lies. I call it...maintaining the mystery.
I know something about men, and they never want to know
How us women keep it all up
You have to hide it
If you want him to stay, pining after you
Then you have to hide the things all we must do
Tell him that you’re naturally hairless
Make him think that you never use the bathroom
Then when he’s asleep you can run to Starbucks
Wait, I can never go to the bathroom?
NO!!
Of course not. I went away to Mexico with a guy once I spent so much time in the lobby bathroom people started tipping me. One night after a big dinner I had to fake a kidnapping just to get a couple hours alone. But it was worth it, cuz at the end of the trip he said I was one of the chillest girls he’d ever met and that he would call me.
Did he?
It’s been a real crazy work year for him an'...we’re gonna hang out, real soon, though.
This all seems like a lot of deception, just to fall in love!
But here’s the deal, these are just the things we say until we actually fall in love. When we met the one, none of this matters. You can finally just be yourself and not worry about playing games or tricking him.
Then you know it will be
True love from fairytales
You’ll both be happy
But if he tries to bail…
Tell him that you’re pregnant and it’s his kid
Tell him that you need to get married
Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right
Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right
Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now.
